I’m writing this blog today for a number of reasons.
Reason number one is that my beloved wife Zooty insists that people have told her that they would be interested in reading anything I would blog about (I suppose this will be the test of that). As many people know, when Lady Zooty insists on something, you are doing yourself a favour when you capitulate. On thinking back, I believe that it was due to my morphine addled condition that I procrastinated until late last year, when I finally promised Zooty I would start writing this blog.
This is the most important reason I’m writing this blog; after coming up to twenty-seven years of being a couple, through all the ups and downs, I have learned it is very important to keep a promise to your wife.
The second reason is almost as important as the first, and involves the auspicious date that this, my first blog, is published on. You see, I promised myself I would start in January, and it’s probably equally as important to keep a promise to yourself, as it is to your wife (or any significant other you may be thinking of fondly).
Ok, so it is the last day of January, but better in time then late. Besides, I find a tight deadline inspiring, put it down as another example of my chaotic, on the edge, life style.
The next reason is one of simple curiosity, I wonder if there really are people out there reading my words (now there’s a deep philosophical question). Quite naturally, I can only speculate on what subject you might be expecting me to pontificate on, so I will imagine you, old friend or new, have just sat down beside me at some squat party, festival, or high society occasion, and talk to you in the same way.
Hopefully I would be polite, and listen carefully as you speak first, tell me your news, or if we’re talking for the first time, about yourself. Unfortunately the medium of a blog doesn’t allow easy two way communication, so forgive me as I begin to expound on the things that I find fascinating at the moment.
I might tell you tales of Burning Man, artistic adventures, and Custard Pirate Fights. We could philosophise about mathematics, physics, and my personal favourite, the nature of human consciousness. On a lighter note, we may compare our conclusions about movies, or I would introduce you to ‘Mike the Headless Chicken’, to prove to you (if you require proof) how weird the world can be (http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/history), and maybe I would fill you in on my history as a pirate radio personality.
I would almost certainly offer you a ‘Big Monkey Cult’ badge, and explain to you that in my pirate radio days, I announced there was a secret society, so secret, that you are probably a member of it yourself, but you don’t yet know it, and it consists of all the good people in the world, that make the world a better place. I would tell you to keep up the good work, and pick a badge.
With every passing year, in spite of all the death, atrocities, and greed in the world, I meet more and more Big Monkey Cultists, and it gives me hope.
If you were agreeable, I might even show you some close-up magic.
So your first impression of me may be of a genial eccentric, with an exotic conversation of weird factoids and opinions, who lives a frivolous and care-free life. Then you might notice that I walk, very slowly, with the aid of a walking stick.
What I write next is not done to incite pity, as there is no need to pity me, but it is necessary for you to understand more fully, who I am.
For many years I have suffered from an affliction called ‘Chronic Pain Syndrome’. It is a condition brought upon me from some fault in my nervous system, which curses me to live with a constant, excruciating, debilitating, pain in my left knee. It got so bad about ten years ago, that I was forced to give up work (and I’m positive you will hear more from me about what it is like to live as a disabled man under this Government in future blogs), and as there is, for now, no cure, until resonantly the only treatment has been increasing doses of opiates, which have left me sick, and addicted to morphine.
There is, however, cause for hope; last year me Pain Specialist gave me a brand new drug, which seems to help with the pain (I am never truly pain free) as well giving me the opportunity to get off the morphine, with only one major side-effect (more of that also, in a future blog). Almost every month for a year I have been dropping the amount of morphine I take, from a high point of 300mgs. This, obviously, means I have to go through morphine withdrawal on a monthly basis, but this is the hard and unpleasant sacrifice I have to make to buy myself a better life. Already my mind has improved, the opiate fog dispersing, if this were not so, I don’t think I would be able to concentrate well enough to write this blog.
Since my mind cleared, I have been able to improve my social life, celebrating the recent festivities with my wife and some of my closest friends. I have written an article for an on-line magic magazine, and walked barefoot over broken glass to raise money for a local skateboard park (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2qFjuHsgyg). My life is getting better all the time.
Sometimes people have asked me how I can keep happy and optimistic, when I live my life in pain. I have pondered on this for a long time, and I’ve concluded that I am so positive because I know for sure that I am loved. Zooty and my friends love me, and I love them in return.
I would like to leave you with an example of concrete proof that my friends love me (and Zooty), and, more importantly, that there are still very good people in the world, my tribe, the Big Monkey Cult.
Until last November, I leased a car from a charity using benefit money I got from the government. Problems with the rules meant my car had to go back. For the last few months, I’ve had to try to get around using public transport, not an easy thing when you often have to leave the house in a wheelchair.
Well the good and kind people who know us were not going to let this situation continue. We were told yesterday, that in secret, our friends have passed the hat, and are going to buy us a car. I am astounded, although perhaps not surprised, at the generosity of so many people, and will always be grateful.
Although a hostile and spiteful Government let me down, my community will never let me fall.
Thank you all.
I have come to the end of this, my first blog. Tonight I begin my monthly morphine withdrawal (down to 100mgs a day). After I get over the nausea, sweating, and hallucinations, I’ll blog again.
Let’s have adventures together.
Love & peace,
Zero
Wot a well written piece Zero…..and duh! obviously Zooty is right! Ur friends and folks at large wuld definately be interested in readying ur ramblings!
Much luv n hugs Squiggley
Love you both and it's wonderful to have our witty chatty zero return from the fog
looking forward to wit and ramblings mixed with magical and magickal conjurations and tricks of the mind . Great to have you back again
Many years ago now we left London & our visits to Brighton for dryer pastures over in Australia. I miss a lot of friends and it's really nice to read your blog, it's like a little insight into your mind over on the other side of the world making the great distance a little shorter. Keep it up! xxx Emma
Excellent, my heart fills to read this O Guru! You are now in a proud place on my permanent bookmarks bar! Will check regularly. Only write when you feel like it, this is not a pressure area, it's a special place where we can share your brain. I'll send the link to Andy. Love you xxxx monkee